How would you like this guy operating on you?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Road Report #3: Shawn-John Wannabe
So the majority of my days on campus are spent doing 10 minute presentations about the program in a variety of classes. Sometimes I'll do it as many as 15 times a day. It gets a little repetitive and I'm always looking for ways to spice it up.
My new thing this year is to close with the top 3 things about the program. I say,
"Just like David Letterman has his Top Ten list, I have a Top Three list. Mine isn't as long or as funny, but it's very informative." It cracks them up every time! And I still get a chuckle out of it too.
Some presentations are really lame because the students don't laugh at my jokes, but other times the room is on fire! After good presentations, I always have a skip in my step afterwards. And now I have a new move inspired our favorite gold medalist from Iowa, Shawn Johnson. I prance around like Shawn after she leaves the mat. Remember how she moves her arms in front of her as she walks? It's kind of an arm dance. I look awesome when I do it. And sometimes I'll do this move at the end in front the students. It gets a standing ovation every time.
My new thing this year is to close with the top 3 things about the program. I say,
"Just like David Letterman has his Top Ten list, I have a Top Three list. Mine isn't as long or as funny, but it's very informative." It cracks them up every time! And I still get a chuckle out of it too.
Some presentations are really lame because the students don't laugh at my jokes, but other times the room is on fire! After good presentations, I always have a skip in my step afterwards. And now I have a new move inspired our favorite gold medalist from Iowa, Shawn Johnson. I prance around like Shawn after she leaves the mat. Remember how she moves her arms in front of her as she walks? It's kind of an arm dance. I look awesome when I do it. And sometimes I'll do this move at the end in front the students. It gets a standing ovation every time.
Road Report #2: My Buddy and Me
When I'm on the road my constant companion is my hotel television. One of my recent hotels where I spent seven long nights had an extremely limited channel selection. My two favorite channels--MTV and BRAVO--of course were not available. My other standby is TBS. Great for some laughs at The Office or Sex and the City. The picture is available, but the audio is really loud static. I think it's worse then not having it all because I can see what I'm missing. There are five channels in different languages and three freaking ESPNs. None of the big networks have started up their shows again, so the pickings are very slim. I repeat VERY slim. I thought I'd highlight some of the programs I am occupying my time with:
--Wifeswap: The drag-racing, messy, hick mom and the neat freak, image-obssessed mom ended up learning a lot from each other. It was heartwarming. No it wasn't. It was weird and awkward and I felt pathetic watching it.
--Dog the Bounty Hunter: Why is he dressed like that? And how are his wife's boobs so insanely large?
--Mystery Diagnosis: As if I wasn't already paranoid about the health of my unborn children. Now I have to worry about melancholeractictheria too.
--Man vs. Wild: It was like a car wreck. I could not look away, but was so disturbed at the same time. Bear Grylls threw himself into some sort of mossy quicksand, but luckily he had a large dead sheep lying next to him. As his body was being engulfed by the moss, he proceeded to use the sheep as sort of a life preserver, throwing himself on top of it and wraggling his way out. It was disgusting.
I've moved on to a new hotel with a much more acceptable array of channels. Next week is a big with the premiers of Dancing with the Stars (who isn't excited to see Kim Kardashian's booty shakin' to the mambo?) and The Office. Things are looking up.
--Wifeswap: The drag-racing, messy, hick mom and the neat freak, image-obssessed mom ended up learning a lot from each other. It was heartwarming. No it wasn't. It was weird and awkward and I felt pathetic watching it.
--Dog the Bounty Hunter: Why is he dressed like that? And how are his wife's boobs so insanely large?
--Mystery Diagnosis: As if I wasn't already paranoid about the health of my unborn children. Now I have to worry about melancholeractictheria too. --Man vs. Wild: It was like a car wreck. I could not look away, but was so disturbed at the same time. Bear Grylls threw himself into some sort of mossy quicksand, but luckily he had a large dead sheep lying next to him. As his body was being engulfed by the moss, he proceeded to use the sheep as sort of a life preserver, throwing himself on top of it and wraggling his way out. It was disgusting.
I've moved on to a new hotel with a much more acceptable array of channels. Next week is a big with the premiers of Dancing with the Stars (who isn't excited to see Kim Kardashian's booty shakin' to the mambo?) and The Office. Things are looking up.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Road Report #1: Trouble Before the Tires Even Hit the Pavement
Twice a year I go on a recruiting trip for work. It's starting to become routine with few problems. I'm sorry to say this trip has already taken a turn as scary as Harry Potter heading into the Forbidden Forest.
An hour before my intended departure to Michigan for two weeks part of my front tooth fell off. Yes, I said fell off. One might say chip, but the piece missing from my front tooth was much larger than one often refers to as a chip. A chip is chipper. This was a chunk. A funky chunk.
To those of you who do not know, one fateful day in fourth grade I challenged a friend to a bicycle race up the street. Not only did I lose the race when I skidded into a patch of sand and slammed into the pavement, but I also lost the bottom half of one of my front teeth thanks to the handlebar. I can still remember the traumatic moment when I first saw myself with a broken tooth smile. I screamed bloody murder.
Since that dreadful day 15 years ago, I have regular nightmares of my front tooth breaking out again and again. Sometimes I lose all my teeth. It's very scary. So when I suddenly felt a large piece of enamel in my mouth (that was then swallowed and is still lodged in my throat) it was a nightmare come true. Even worse was my slated absence from home for the next five weeks, and even more concerning--my upcoming wedding.
Tears were shed, fits were thrown, but eventually a solution was found. I delayed my trip one day and had my tooth repaired this morning. While I was very upset to miss a stop on my trip, I knew that I would not have much luck persuading large groups of people with the look I had going. So yesterday was spent in Chicago wallowing in despair that the repair job would leave me looking like a hungry rabbit and today was spent at my dentist's office. Much to my relief and yours, I left with a front tooth even better than the last.
I had hoped my toothy fiasco meant smooth sailing ahead, however, upon my arrival in Michigan I found my hotel room for the next seven nights doesn't have Bravo or MTV. No Project Runway. No Hills. And the tooth chunk is still lodged in my throat. This trip may be cursed. Stay tuned to find out.
An hour before my intended departure to Michigan for two weeks part of my front tooth fell off. Yes, I said fell off. One might say chip, but the piece missing from my front tooth was much larger than one often refers to as a chip. A chip is chipper. This was a chunk. A funky chunk.
To those of you who do not know, one fateful day in fourth grade I challenged a friend to a bicycle race up the street. Not only did I lose the race when I skidded into a patch of sand and slammed into the pavement, but I also lost the bottom half of one of my front teeth thanks to the handlebar. I can still remember the traumatic moment when I first saw myself with a broken tooth smile. I screamed bloody murder.
Since that dreadful day 15 years ago, I have regular nightmares of my front tooth breaking out again and again. Sometimes I lose all my teeth. It's very scary. So when I suddenly felt a large piece of enamel in my mouth (that was then swallowed and is still lodged in my throat) it was a nightmare come true. Even worse was my slated absence from home for the next five weeks, and even more concerning--my upcoming wedding.
Tears were shed, fits were thrown, but eventually a solution was found. I delayed my trip one day and had my tooth repaired this morning. While I was very upset to miss a stop on my trip, I knew that I would not have much luck persuading large groups of people with the look I had going. So yesterday was spent in Chicago wallowing in despair that the repair job would leave me looking like a hungry rabbit and today was spent at my dentist's office. Much to my relief and yours, I left with a front tooth even better than the last.
I had hoped my toothy fiasco meant smooth sailing ahead, however, upon my arrival in Michigan I found my hotel room for the next seven nights doesn't have Bravo or MTV. No Project Runway. No Hills. And the tooth chunk is still lodged in my throat. This trip may be cursed. Stay tuned to find out.
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